[润色成篇]
| 初级范文 | 高分范文 |
| --- | --- |
| My Life in 20 Years
I'm always working hard for a bright future. I imagine I will have a better life than now.
In 20 years, I will take good care of my parents because I have grown up. I will also have a well-paid job and I am ready to take on new challenges. ①I will have a group of workmates, and they are easy to work with. When I am free, I will meet up with my friends. We will often talk about the past school life and travel for vacations. ②I will often take exercise
vacations.
with my friends after work because sports can keep
us healthy and fit.
I think my life in 20 years will be exciting and wonderful. ③And I am working hard to make it come true. | My Life in 20 Years
I'm always working hard for a bright future. I imagine I will have a better life than now.
In 20 years, I will take good care of my parents because I have grown up. I will also have a well-paid job and I am ready to take on new challenges. ①I will have a group of workmates, who are easy to work with.
In my free time, I will meet up with my friends. We will often talk about the past school life and travel for vacations. ②
（不定式短语作目的状语升格）, I will often take exercise with my friends after work.
In a word, I think my life in 20 years will be exciting and wonderful. ③I will always try my best to make it come true. |
名师指导:
一、高分范文中,①使用 who 引导的定语从句升格,丰富句子结构,避免句式单一;②使用不定式短语作目的状语升格,提升表达效果;③使用 try my best 替换常用的 work hard,丰富了写作词汇。
二、两篇范文均遵循“总—分—总”的经典框架,首尾呼应(开头点明“为美好未来努力,想象未来生活更好”,结尾总结“未来生活精彩,将努力实现”),内容贴合主题,积极向上。
| 初级范文 | 高分范文 |
| --- | --- |
| My Life in 20 Years
I'm always working hard for a bright future. I imagine I will have a better life than now.
In 20 years, I will take good care of my parents because I have grown up. I will also have a well-paid job and I am ready to take on new challenges. ①I will have a group of workmates, and they are easy to work with. When I am free, I will meet up with my friends. We will often talk about the past school life and travel for vacations. ②I will often take exercise
vacations.with my friends after work because sports can keep
us healthy and fit.
I think my life in 20 years will be exciting and wonderful. ③And I am working hard to make it come true. | My Life in 20 Years
I'm always working hard for a bright future. I imagine I will have a better life than now.
In 20 years, I will take good care of my parents because I have grown up. I will also have a well-paid job and I am ready to take on new challenges. ①I will have a group of workmates, who are easy to work with.
In my free time, I will meet up with my friends. We will often talk about the past school life and travel for vacations. ②
To stay healthy and fit
（不定式短语作目的状语升格）, I will often take exercise with my friends after work.
In a word, I think my life in 20 years will be exciting and wonderful. ③I will always try my best to make it come true. |
名师指导:
一、高分范文中,①使用 who 引导的定语从句升格,丰富句子结构,避免句式单一;②使用不定式短语作目的状语升格,提升表达效果;③使用 try my best 替换常用的 work hard,丰富了写作词汇。
二、两篇范文均遵循“总—分—总”的经典框架,首尾呼应(开头点明“为美好未来努力,想象未来生活更好”,结尾总结“未来生活精彩,将努力实现”),内容贴合主题,积极向上。
答案：② To stay healthy and fit
小试身手
未来的校园生活是什么样的？假设你是李明，你校英语杂志正举行以“School Life in 10 Years”为主题的征文活动。请你根据以下思维导图提示写一篇英语短文，想象一下十年后的校园生活。
要求:(1)所写内容必须包括提示中的所有信息，并适当发挥；
(2)不得出现真实的人名、校名、地名等相关信息；
(3)语句连贯，词数80左右。作文的标题已经给出，不计入总词数。
书写区域 Good writing makes your article better.
School Life in 10 Years
(请把作文写到自己的练习本上吧！)
未来的校园生活是什么样的？假设你是李明，你校英语杂志正举行以“School Life in 10 Years”为主题的征文活动。请你根据以下思维导图提示写一篇英语短文，想象一下十年后的校园生活。
要求:(1)所写内容必须包括提示中的所有信息，并适当发挥；
(2)不得出现真实的人名、校名、地名等相关信息；
(3)语句连贯，词数80左右。作文的标题已经给出，不计入总词数。
书写区域 Good writing makes your article better.
School Life in 10 Years
School life in 10 years will be quite different from now. Learning online will be part of the school life. There will not be much homework and it will be very easy. Students can use emails to send their homework to the teacher.
During the rest time, the after-school activities will be more colourful. There will be all kinds of clubs in the school. Students can join their favourite clubs. They can also spend more time with their parents or friends. What's more, they can go on a school trip and have a lot of fun every month. In this way, they can know more about the world.
All teachers and classmates will be very helpful and kind. Students will help each other both in life and in study. All in all, school life in 10 years will be more meaningful and colourful.
(请把作文写到自己的练习本上吧！)
答案：小试身手
写作指导与评价请扫描“详解详析二维码”
One possible version :
School Life in 10 Years
School life in 10 years will be quite different from now.
Learning online will be part of the school life. There will not be much homework and it will be very easy. Students can use emails to send their homework to the teacher. During the rest time, the after-school activities will be more colourful. There will be all kinds of clubs in the school. Students can join their favourite clubs. They can also spend more time with their parents or friends. What's more, they can go on a school trip and have a lot of fun every month. In this way, they can know more about the world. All teachers and classmates will be very helpful and kind. Students will help each other both in life and in study.
All in all, school life in 10 years will be more meaningful and colourful.
写作指导与评价请扫描“详解详析二维码”
One possible version :
School Life in 10 Years
School life in 10 years will be quite different from now.
Learning online will be part of the school life. There will not be much homework and it will be very easy. Students can use emails to send their homework to the teacher. During the rest time, the after-school activities will be more colourful. There will be all kinds of clubs in the school. Students can join their favourite clubs. They can also spend more time with their parents or friends. What's more, they can go on a school trip and have a lot of fun every month. In this way, they can know more about the world. All teachers and classmates will be very helpful and kind. Students will help each other both in life and in study.
All in all, school life in 10 years will be more meaningful and colourful.