解:$(1)$∵一元二次方程$2x²-3x-1=0$
的两根分别为$m$、$n$
∴$m+n=\frac {3}{2}$,$mn=-\frac {1}{2}$
∴$\frac {n}{m}+\frac m{n}=\frac {n²+\mathrm {m^2}}{mn}=\frac {(m+n)²-2mn}{mn}$
$=\frac {(\frac {3}{2})²-2×(-\frac {1}{2}) }{-\frac 12}=-\frac {13}{2}$
$(2)$∵实数$s$、$t $满足$2s²-3s-1=0$,
$2t²-3t-1=0$,$s≠t$
∴$s $与$t $可看作方程$2x²-3x-1=0$的两个实数根
∴$s+t=\frac {3}{2}$,$st=-\frac {1}{2}$
∴$(s-t)²=(s+t)²-4st=(\frac {3}{2})²-4×(-\frac {1}{2})=\frac {17}{4}$
∴$s-t=±\frac {\sqrt {17}}2$
∴$\frac {1}{s}-\frac {1}{t}=\frac {t-s}{st}=\frac {-(s-t)}{st}=± \sqrt {17}$