解:$(1)$如图$①,$过点$A$作$AH\perp MN$于点$H,$连接$AB$
由题意,得$AH = 12\ \mathrm {cm},$$BH = 16 - 2×5.5 = 5(\mathrm {cm})$
∵$AB^2=BH^2+AH^2,$∴$AB = 13\ \mathrm {cm}$
∴若蜂蜜在杯外壁,则蚂蚁最少应爬行$13\ \mathrm {cm} $就能吃到蜂蜜
$ (2)$如图$②,$作点$A$关于$PM$的对称点$A',$过点$A'$作直线$MN$的垂线,
垂足为$D,$连接$A'B$
易得$MD = P A' = P A = 5.5\ \mathrm {cm},$$BD = 16 - 5.5 + 5.5 = 16(\mathrm {cm}),$$A'D = 12\ \mathrm {cm}$
∵$A'B^2=A'D^2+BD^2,$∴$A'B = 20\ \mathrm {cm}$
∴若蜂蜜在杯内壁,蚂蚁要吃到蜂蜜,则最少应爬行$20\ \mathrm {cm}$