解:$(1)$
$ \begin {aligned}&(3x^2+6x + 8)-(6x + 5x^2+2)\\=&3x^2+6x + 8 - 6x - 5x^2-2\\=&(3x^2-5x^2)+(6x - 6x)+(8 - 2)\\=&-2x^2+6\end {aligned}$
$ (2)$设$“\square ”$是$a,$则原式$=(ax^2+6x + 8)-(6x + 5x^2+2)=ax^2+6x + 8 - 6x - 5x^2-2=(a - 5)x^2+6。$
因为标准答案是常数,所以$a - 5 = 0,$解得$a = 5。$所以原题中$“\square ”$的值是$5$